The Pitch
(Ode to Michael Curtis)

That bloody grass is a pain in the ass
Ah’m pullin out all me own hair
Ah’ve mulched it and sown it
Ah’ve seeded it and mown it
And still there’s bugger all there

All as I hear, is fans in me ear
Tellin me “our pitch is *****”
Ah’ve, dug it an’ drained it
Ah’ve mucked it and strained it
Ah’ve bin up half t’bloody night

It’s flooded yer see, an game’s at three
Ah’m livin in fear ah might die
Ah’ve swept it an’ slopped it
Ah’ve sponged it an’ mopped it
Ah’m buggered, cos damn thing won’t dry!!

Last week were’t same, no bloody game
Ah don’t know what ah’ll do next
Ah’ve fed it and groomed it
Ah’ve rolled it and pruned it
But still Graham Barrow is vexed

Ah’ve had enough, t’seeds must be duff
Ah’m going to sign on the dole
They can shove it, and kiss it
Ah hate it, ah’ll not miss it
When ah die ah’ll come back as a mole!!

The Bard of Bury FC